The day was April 11 of 2008 and my friend Michelle and I were at a wedding in Austin, TX. I had been single for about 8 years. The very last thing that was on my mind was meeting a man. Well, that’s exactly what happened. His name was Matt and we met the night of the ceremony and sparks flew immediately. We began talking on the phone because you see he was from Lubbock and I lived in Abilene. Then we began seeing each other on the weekends hence started a long distance relationship over the next year plus.
We talked and had what I thought was communication. We had a great relationship. I was the apple of his eye and I thought he hung the moon. We liked the same things, went the same places, and enjoyed the same foods. I had prayed that the Lord would bring a Godly man into my life and Matt talked the talk. We attended church together in Lubbock on the weekends we were there and here on the weekends we were here. We prayed for one another. He had been a member of his church since birth basically and I was strong in my own faith.
We planned our wedding that would take place in a friend’s beautiful back yard. There would be numerous family and friends attending and this was all just perfect. The yard was worked up so gorgeous and the florist had specific instruction. The cake decorator was perfect with all her drawings and details about what I wanted. The honeymoon to Vegas was a gift from his parents and both his and my parents were so very excited also.
The day came and turned out so perfect. Everything seemed to just fall into place and we were wed on June 6 of 2009. Then, it will be followed by a tragic surge of events. 2 days later, we left for our honeymoon to Vegas, freshly married and full of life. After being in Vegas for 2 days, as we went to eat, things began to turn very ugly. He looked at me across the table and said some of the most crushing words to me that I have ever heard. He cussed me and I left him sitting there as I went to the room and cried myself to sleep. Then, began a life of one bad incidence after another. He had such a critical spirit and condemned most everything in my life and the enemy was trying to plant the doubt in my mind that God had so graciously brought me out of. This man whom I was now married to became an enemy in a sense. A water spot on the sink became me being a slob and way too many things to list in our time frame. He did not like any of my friends but most importantly, he did not like worship. He condemned and put me down because of my faith. He made fun of it and wanted my God to be second to him. I felt that this entire past year had been full of lies and deceit and who does that come from: the enemy, the ultimate liar.
On August 5, 3 months into this marriage, I woke up to my precious kitty Jake trying to hang onto life by a thread. (You see, I have no children and my kitties ARE my children!) Rushing him into the 24 hour vet, he did not make it and I was told he had been kicked by what could have been as forceful as a horse. I knew in my heart what had happened to my baby and received more confirmation as his entire family said they believed he did it without my asking. This is when a certain fear began setting into my life again. I prayed, I cried out to God and I lived with someone who had totally deceived me and my family. I lived with what I consider a dangerous man.
On August 20, I took him to Lueders to a Walk to Emmaus and prayed deeply. As I came to candlelight, I witnessed a glimpse of hope in our lives and in our marriage as I looked into his eyes. He came home and apologized and wanted to start fresh and let go of some habits and behaviors.
This attitude was short-lived as the physical abuse began just 8 days later on August 31. I had a back procedure and that night after drinking too much again, he proceeded to kick me in the back and chase me out of the house as I feared my life. This same man wished people dead!!
Then, I went to my pastor and we sought counseling. We stayed in this counseling and everything sounded good when we were there and turned sour at home every time. There were no fruits being produced in his life.
The second week in December after weekly counseling and lots of talk came the second round of physical abuse as he hit me with a hanger with his daughter in the next room. This is when I told him that he had to leave. I filed for divorce and on March 3, I became divorced again. I felt the shame and the sense of failure again. I am by no means an advocate for divorce; actually I am quite the opposite. I did certainly feel like a failure again but I have learned that FEELINGS will lie but the Word of God is always TRUTH!!
When I was asked to write the Singles Talk on a Chrysalis, I was dead set against it. I have been “relationship-challenged” my entire adult life! I could only tell people what NOT to do apparently. LOL…but God, but God…
I never dreamed that God would use the time in writing the singles talk for an Emmaus Chrysalis as a huge healing experience. Through the writing and seeking and seeking and writing, God showed me some truths that I so desperately needed!! Trust me, when you cry out to Him, He hears and responds! Also, He so lovingly placed people in my life who loved me through this time. You see He places actual people in front of us who are Jesus to us. I would highly recommend letting them love on you in times of need. It is healing. It is encouraging. It is comforting. It is preparation to do the same for someone else a lot of times. Let God love on you, however He chooses. He absolutely loves YOU more than your mind can ever conceive.
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