An overview of today...

Well, today...that is what we have right now. I am learning so many lessons through the disease of cancer and the face of physical death over the last year and a half but I have to say that God will work it to good because I believe and I love Him and I am called to His purpose.
Losing my brother last March was tough; we had a month in the hospital with him and I have witnessed many good things come from him walking into Eternity. Last week, his wife, mother of their 3 children, and my sister-in-law walked into Eternity and it is so much different; maybe the finality of them together? I can't exactly put a name to it or put a finger on it yet, but I can say it hurts. Memories of the two of them come and I smile then I cry. Shortened lives in my human view of things....I don't question God's sovereignty; I just mourn. I join many in grieving and many are joining me. I rejoice in knowing where they are and the majesty they are witnessing. I rejoice in the fact that cancer did NOT win; God does! I rejoice that there is no more pain in their bodies. I rejoice that they have 3 beautiful, intelligent children who all love the Lord. I rejoice in knowing that I will one day see them again and be joined as the great cloud of witnesses with them. I rejoice that I have wonderful friends and family who hold me up. BUT, I hurt. Plain and simple, I hurt. My heart feels ripped into pieces. Joy is not gone....just pain is mixed in. His joy is my strength and I am leaning heavily into that truth.
I really wish I had something different to write about today, but this is just the place I am in and I know God will see us through and He will heal our hurt. I know He is good and always will be. I know He has blessed me beyond words and I know that nothing can separate me from His love. I know that this suffering is short and has to be shared to also share in the glory of the Lord. I just hurt and hope if you are reading this, you will pray for me and my family.

The following is a glimpse out of a daily devotional/journal entry I receive daily. As I read this today, I am reminded that life is good! It certainly is not easy right now and it is quite painful but in the midst of the pain, God continues to woo me and to love me. He shelters us in the storm of life and I am thankful.

I am constantly showered in encouragement from friends. I am able to talk with my parents in a realistic view point and share spiritual insight. I know what the human eye is sensitive to but am so thoroughly encouraged as to what the spiritual eye is in tune to.

I pray today: Lord, I thank You for Your goodness. I thank YOU in the midst of storms of this life and I am ever aware that NOTHING separates me from YOUR love. May I be keenly aware of all the good and wonderful things You have created.





When your heart wakes up...




The sky stretches out its arms in the early inky blue of spring, stars flung here and there, twinkling lights that wink above the trees.
My husband and I light the fire pit, pull up chairs next to each other, turn on music, remember how it feels after winter is over.
These moments--I shut my eyes, draw in a deep breath--try to capture them, keep them, like little glimpses of heaven.
And I believe again...
that life is good
God is close
and I am loved
It's not that I ever forget. I think sometimes I just stop paying attention. I fall asleep at the wheel of life. I stop hearing what's true, stop seeing what really matters, stop feeling like who I really am.
Then God sends along a night knit together, woven with wind, filled with fire, and suddenly I am awake.
Oh, yes, my heart recalls.
I am made for more than the everyday.
I am fashioned for eternity.
Sometimes it seems I hold a speck of it in my hand.
Not much at all, really.
Just enough to jolt me back to joy.
And once again I'm a dreamer with her eyes wide open.